Lyrics from various songs that tug on my heart strings right now.
I'm going crazy while waiting for you
Every single day feels like a year
I'm waiting
It feels like you can come back any second
It feels like I could just turn around and see you
My head feels so complicated, it could explode
I'm waiting and waiting but no word from you
There's no way you could leave because of me
It's so hard for me right now, so hard for me
It's been so long
That I haven't seen your face
I'm tryna be strong
But the strength I have is washing away
I can't lie
I miss you much
Watching everyday that goes by
I miss you much
Until I get you back I'm gonna try
Yes I miss you much
You are the apple of my eye
Girl I miss you much
How long have we been separated already?
One minute or one second, it feels like a year
I want you back
You are so precious
I do love you
I'm so sorry I didn't appreciate you
You would stay all night by my side
Tofu, please get better :<
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
crying again
Tofu's staying another night at the vet because she had another episode of vomiting and bloody diarrhea.
Yesterday, the first time they called they said she wasn't doing well. Her white blood cell count was low and her body wasn't reacting to the meds. She had a high chance of not making it. Then they called a few hours later saying she was doing better and that she might be discharged today if nothing happened over night.
But yeah, something happened over night and now I'm just really worried again. I really hope Tofu makes it through. I don't want to lose her.
Yesterday, the first time they called they said she wasn't doing well. Her white blood cell count was low and her body wasn't reacting to the meds. She had a high chance of not making it. Then they called a few hours later saying she was doing better and that she might be discharged today if nothing happened over night.
But yeah, something happened over night and now I'm just really worried again. I really hope Tofu makes it through. I don't want to lose her.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I'm going to kill her
Seriously, I'm going to punch my little sister in the face when she gets back home from school.
She left her candy out on the floor and Tofu ate it. What makes it worse is that it was chocolate and she's been vomiting for the past two days and now she just looks and sounds horrible. She's also been crapping out blood too .__.
We just took her to the vet. She's spending the night over there while they run a few x-rays and tests as they help her recover. I really hope they don't find anything wrong with her and that she'll be able to come back home healthy again.
I got kinda emotional during the car ride over there orz I mean, I got Tofu at a time when I was horribly depressed and she was pretty much that new hope given to me. The thought of losing her would really devastate me.
Get better, Tofu!!!
She left her candy out on the floor and Tofu ate it. What makes it worse is that it was chocolate and she's been vomiting for the past two days and now she just looks and sounds horrible. She's also been crapping out blood too .__.
We just took her to the vet. She's spending the night over there while they run a few x-rays and tests as they help her recover. I really hope they don't find anything wrong with her and that she'll be able to come back home healthy again.
I got kinda emotional during the car ride over there orz I mean, I got Tofu at a time when I was horribly depressed and she was pretty much that new hope given to me. The thought of losing her would really devastate me.
Get better, Tofu!!!
Friday, October 30, 2009
HNRGH
Man, sometimes I don't even know why I'm working out and practicing so hard for auditions. I mean, sure, I'd really like to get in but what are my chances? I know I said I've got time to kill but really? Am I that bored? .__.
Just taking a break right now from dancing for about 3 hours. Gonna do some more vocal work after I wash up.
I don't know why I'm working so hard all of a sudden just for this. I even started to take care of my face more too wtf
But I guess that just shows that I'm a hard worker when I want to be.
Such a shame all this work ethic never really came into play during high school.
Oh well.
Just taking a break right now from dancing for about 3 hours. Gonna do some more vocal work after I wash up.
I don't know why I'm working so hard all of a sudden just for this. I even started to take care of my face more too wtf
But I guess that just shows that I'm a hard worker when I want to be.
Such a shame all this work ethic never really came into play during high school.
Oh well.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
dreams
I've been practicing real hard lately for SM auditions in about two weeks from now. I'm gonna be auditioning with Billy and Shun. Maybe Leo and Charlene too if they ever send in their applications in on time D8<
But gaaaah! I'm really excited. Even though I really doubt I have what it takes to get picked, it's still fun thinking about what'll happen if I do get in. You can say fantasizing about getting famous is setting my hopes up too high and setting myself up for disappointment, but I already have the mentality that I don't have much of a chance in the first place LOL And besides, if I don't get in this year, there's always next year so that I have more time to practice and prepare something good. And I'll just keep trying for the hell of it until I get old like 21 or sumshits lulz I mean really, there's nothing to lose when you audition anyway :D
Seriously, it would be so freaking awesome if any of us got in. I'd be all, "HEY I KNOW THAT GUY! WE'RE BFFS!" and totally brag about knowing them AHAHA And if I got in myself, it'd be crazy surreal. Like no joke.
I mean, crap dude. I would be so excited. Especially after all that training and then finally debuting. I'd quickly find an international fan forum for my group and totally join and lurk like no tomorrow. I'll find out which pairings I'm in are popular and deliever so much fanservice to those crazy ass shippers. And if I ever had the time, write fanfics and draw fanart ROFL omg shit would be so hilarious.
And then I'd be besties with all those other Korean idols I adore iofdojifdoijfefeo MAN. I'd be like a fangirl dream come true ROFL
But jokes aside, I'd really like to get in just for the experience. I hear it's really tough training to debut. People always wanna pack up and go home because it's too tough. Yoona cried and complained. Taeyeon ran away once. Jay bitched about it on Myspace too. Not to mention trying to adjust to a different culture where you don't know the language. But I'm sure that through the hardships of training and practicing hard 24/7, it's all worth it in the end. I mean, aside from the fame, the experience seems life changing.
A life changing experience that doesn't come everyday or offered to just anybody. If I actually get into SM, I'll be very grateful and take up that chance in an instant. My mom thinks that I can't get in. And my brother thinks I'm just trying to take the easy way out for success. I dunno, I could careless about what my brother thinks, but I really wish my mom had a bit more faith in me.
Sure, I'm not amazing at singing or dancing. Nor am I the prettiest gem in the jewelry box. I don't even know if I have much charisma or personality either. But I dunno, I wish my mom would at least just say, "Good luck!" instead of, "Just give up" or "It's impossible." I know that she's probably just thinking the best for my future. I mean, she really wants me to go to college, but it's not like next semester is starting up any time soon so I seriously have more than enough time to kill. And I mean, auditions are just one day. And if I get a call back for a private audition, which isn't very likely anyway, it's another day. And well, if I get in for real, then I'm set. It's not like I'm gonna be abandoning college. Let's put it this way, a chance at stardom is only once, college will always be there, right?
Part of me really wants to pass auditions just so I can prove to my mom that I can do it. But of course, passing auditions isn't even half of the battle. There's a year or two (or more) of training and then your actual debut. If I get the chance to do that, I will definitely work harder than I've ever had just to show to my mom that I can work hard. She said that she's already given up on me, but I haven't given up yet. I'm still trying hard to make her proud of me one day. And I'm only sorry that the paths I go about to do that aren't to her liking.
Being the next Korean pop idol sensation or an animator haha I'm sorry that my dreams don't appeal to you, mom. If only you knew how hard I work just for your recognition. But it's okay, I'll show you that I'm better off doing something that I enjoy doing.
But gaaaah! I'm really excited. Even though I really doubt I have what it takes to get picked, it's still fun thinking about what'll happen if I do get in. You can say fantasizing about getting famous is setting my hopes up too high and setting myself up for disappointment, but I already have the mentality that I don't have much of a chance in the first place LOL And besides, if I don't get in this year, there's always next year so that I have more time to practice and prepare something good. And I'll just keep trying for the hell of it until I get old like 21 or sumshits lulz I mean really, there's nothing to lose when you audition anyway :D
Seriously, it would be so freaking awesome if any of us got in. I'd be all, "HEY I KNOW THAT GUY! WE'RE BFFS!" and totally brag about knowing them AHAHA And if I got in myself, it'd be crazy surreal. Like no joke.
I mean, crap dude. I would be so excited. Especially after all that training and then finally debuting. I'd quickly find an international fan forum for my group and totally join and lurk like no tomorrow. I'll find out which pairings I'm in are popular and deliever so much fanservice to those crazy ass shippers. And if I ever had the time, write fanfics and draw fanart ROFL omg shit would be so hilarious.
And then I'd be besties with all those other Korean idols I adore iofdojifdoijfefeo MAN. I'd be like a fangirl dream come true ROFL
But jokes aside, I'd really like to get in just for the experience. I hear it's really tough training to debut. People always wanna pack up and go home because it's too tough. Yoona cried and complained. Taeyeon ran away once. Jay bitched about it on Myspace too. Not to mention trying to adjust to a different culture where you don't know the language. But I'm sure that through the hardships of training and practicing hard 24/7, it's all worth it in the end. I mean, aside from the fame, the experience seems life changing.
A life changing experience that doesn't come everyday or offered to just anybody. If I actually get into SM, I'll be very grateful and take up that chance in an instant. My mom thinks that I can't get in. And my brother thinks I'm just trying to take the easy way out for success. I dunno, I could careless about what my brother thinks, but I really wish my mom had a bit more faith in me.
Sure, I'm not amazing at singing or dancing. Nor am I the prettiest gem in the jewelry box. I don't even know if I have much charisma or personality either. But I dunno, I wish my mom would at least just say, "Good luck!" instead of, "Just give up" or "It's impossible." I know that she's probably just thinking the best for my future. I mean, she really wants me to go to college, but it's not like next semester is starting up any time soon so I seriously have more than enough time to kill. And I mean, auditions are just one day. And if I get a call back for a private audition, which isn't very likely anyway, it's another day. And well, if I get in for real, then I'm set. It's not like I'm gonna be abandoning college. Let's put it this way, a chance at stardom is only once, college will always be there, right?
Part of me really wants to pass auditions just so I can prove to my mom that I can do it. But of course, passing auditions isn't even half of the battle. There's a year or two (or more) of training and then your actual debut. If I get the chance to do that, I will definitely work harder than I've ever had just to show to my mom that I can work hard. She said that she's already given up on me, but I haven't given up yet. I'm still trying hard to make her proud of me one day. And I'm only sorry that the paths I go about to do that aren't to her liking.
Being the next Korean pop idol sensation or an animator haha I'm sorry that my dreams don't appeal to you, mom. If only you knew how hard I work just for your recognition. But it's okay, I'll show you that I'm better off doing something that I enjoy doing.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
pffffft stfu, Jacket
Uhhh uhhh. Yet another typical, "BAAAWW MY ART SUX" post. Sorry but I just have to whinebitchmoancomplain for a sec.
Like idk, I know that I'm not the worst artist ever nor am I the best. And I know that artists will never be at their personal best because there's practically no such thing because an artist will always keep learning new things, etc etc.
But man, whenever I see others' works. There are times when I feel inspired and times where I feel really discouraged. I know bitching and moaning won't make me any better but idk...
There are friends who I haven't talked to in awhile and when I see their recent art I'm like, "WOW. They've improved shittons since the last time I've talked to them." And what about me? I really don't know.
I know that most artists are unable to see their own growth but really, I'm just envious when others just suddenly get amazing and crazy talented in such a short amount of time. It amazes me.
I know I can't go godsend overnight but there are times like now where I wish I could. But that's asking for too much.
idk whenever I look at my stuff, it just looks...so constricted. Like there isn't much to it or there isn't any emotion. I think that's the big part of what I'm missing. There just isn't much feeling.
But I guess I should be happy I did improve since last year. My work was really fug back then and I hope that I will continue to get better.
Though, I do feel my stuff has been degenerating since I've been drawing practically everyday. Maybe it's time to take a break or something orz
Like idk, I know that I'm not the worst artist ever nor am I the best. And I know that artists will never be at their personal best because there's practically no such thing because an artist will always keep learning new things, etc etc.
But man, whenever I see others' works. There are times when I feel inspired and times where I feel really discouraged. I know bitching and moaning won't make me any better but idk...
There are friends who I haven't talked to in awhile and when I see their recent art I'm like, "WOW. They've improved shittons since the last time I've talked to them." And what about me? I really don't know.
I know that most artists are unable to see their own growth but really, I'm just envious when others just suddenly get amazing and crazy talented in such a short amount of time. It amazes me.
I know I can't go godsend overnight but there are times like now where I wish I could. But that's asking for too much.
idk whenever I look at my stuff, it just looks...so constricted. Like there isn't much to it or there isn't any emotion. I think that's the big part of what I'm missing. There just isn't much feeling.
But I guess I should be happy I did improve since last year. My work was really fug back then and I hope that I will continue to get better.
Though, I do feel my stuff has been degenerating since I've been drawing practically everyday. Maybe it's time to take a break or something orz
Thursday, October 1, 2009
fjiosdfjsoid AUDITIONS
Sun Nov 15th is SM auditions in LA AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
I want to go and try out.
But I need a ride.
And moral support/somebody to audition with me rofl
If not this time around, I'll mosdef try out next year if they have auditions ; 3;
I need to start practicing sum dance moves and figure out what to sing too D:
Oh, and somehow get naturally pretty LOL
I want to go and try out.
But I need a ride.
And moral support/somebody to audition with me rofl
If not this time around, I'll mosdef try out next year if they have auditions ; 3;
I need to start practicing sum dance moves and figure out what to sing too D:
Oh, and somehow get naturally pretty LOL
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