dreams

I've been practicing real hard lately for SM auditions in about two weeks from now. I'm gonna be auditioning with Billy and Shun. Maybe Leo and Charlene too if they ever send in their applications in on time D8<

But gaaaah! I'm really excited. Even though I really doubt I have what it takes to get picked, it's still fun thinking about what'll happen if I do get in. You can say fantasizing about getting famous is setting my hopes up too high and setting myself up for disappointment, but I already have the mentality that I don't have much of a chance in the first place LOL And besides, if I don't get in this year, there's always next year so that I have more time to practice and prepare something good. And I'll just keep trying for the hell of it until I get old like 21 or sumshits lulz I mean really, there's nothing to lose when you audition anyway :D

Seriously, it would be so freaking awesome if any of us got in. I'd be all, "HEY I KNOW THAT GUY! WE'RE BFFS!" and totally brag about knowing them AHAHA And if I got in myself, it'd be crazy surreal. Like no joke.

I mean, crap dude. I would be so excited. Especially after all that training and then finally debuting. I'd quickly find an international fan forum for my group and totally join and lurk like no tomorrow. I'll find out which pairings I'm in are popular and deliever so much fanservice to those crazy ass shippers. And if I ever had the time, write fanfics and draw fanart ROFL omg shit would be so hilarious.

And then I'd be besties with all those other Korean idols I adore iofdojifdoijfefeo MAN. I'd be like a fangirl dream come true ROFL

But jokes aside, I'd really like to get in just for the experience. I hear it's really tough training to debut. People always wanna pack up and go home because it's too tough. Yoona cried and complained. Taeyeon ran away once. Jay bitched about it on Myspace too. Not to mention trying to adjust to a different culture where you don't know the language. But I'm sure that through the hardships of training and practicing hard 24/7, it's all worth it in the end. I mean, aside from the fame, the experience seems life changing.

A life changing experience that doesn't come everyday or offered to just anybody. If I actually get into SM, I'll be very grateful and take up that chance in an instant. My mom thinks that I can't get in. And my brother thinks I'm just trying to take the easy way out for success. I dunno, I could careless about what my brother thinks, but I really wish my mom had a bit more faith in me.

Sure, I'm not amazing at singing or dancing. Nor am I the prettiest gem in the jewelry box. I don't even know if I have much charisma or personality either. But I dunno, I wish my mom would at least just say, "Good luck!" instead of, "Just give up" or "It's impossible." I know that she's probably just thinking the best for my future. I mean, she really wants me to go to college, but it's not like next semester is starting up any time soon so I seriously have more than enough time to kill. And I mean, auditions are just one day. And if I get a call back for a private audition, which isn't very likely anyway, it's another day. And well, if I get in for real, then I'm set. It's not like I'm gonna be abandoning college. Let's put it this way, a chance at stardom is only once, college will always be there, right?

Part of me really wants to pass auditions just so I can prove to my mom that I can do it. But of course, passing auditions isn't even half of the battle. There's a year or two (or more) of training and then your actual debut. If I get the chance to do that, I will definitely work harder than I've ever had just to show to my mom that I can work hard. She said that she's already given up on me, but I haven't given up yet. I'm still trying hard to make her proud of me one day. And I'm only sorry that the paths I go about to do that aren't to her liking.

Being the next Korean pop idol sensation or an animator haha I'm sorry that my dreams don't appeal to you, mom. If only you knew how hard I work just for your recognition. But it's okay, I'll show you that I'm better off doing something that I enjoy doing.