The Family

Yesterday, Billy came over and we were in my brother's room talking about how screwed up our families were. It was pretty interesting but I think my brother was really drawn to the conversation the most.

After Billy left, my brother went into my room and started talking to me about our childhood. About the ordeals and hardships we had to face at a young age. It was really fun talking to him about it since we've experienced all of that together since we were born.

My brother also mentioned why he really hates our little sister. Quite amusing, really. But I have to agree with him. He really dislikes our sister and bares a grudge against her because she's really oblivious. Even though she's only 9, my brother hates how stupid she always acts. Back when we were her age, we couldn't act that way because we were going through that emotional turmoil shit with our dad. And ever since she was born, coincidentally, our family gradually started to go downhill. He ultimately blames her for our family falling apart. Instead of having her head in her ass, sometimes we wish she'd just grow a brain and start being more aware of things. But I guess we're probably just jealous since we couldn't act like stupid, spoiled brats back then. We were forced to be strong and mature at a very young age.

But he got much more emotional than I expected when I kept taking about the scenes I still remember vividly, how disappointed and tired I feel about it all, how I resent my dad for stripping away our childhood innocence, how I really wish we were a normal family, and how ungrateful of a child I feel towards our mom. The poor kid cried alone in his room with the blanket over him while I just walked in and laughed at him.

But after trying to cheer him up through laughter, he quickly started to talk about how he felt ungrateful towards our mom too. She's done so much for us. She's went through so much. She continues to overwork herself to the point where she almost passed out during work. And to the point where she can barely see or talk to her own children. It's sad and we're taking it all for granted.

Although what pissed us off the most wasn't our incompetence, but the fact that other people are more ungrateful than we are. And they're lucky that they have both of their parents. It irritates me when friends rant about their parents. Like how overprotective they can be or how much they argue with them. At least you have that. And when I tell them that at least you don't have a mom who can't even spend any time with her children and a dad who's dead weight and in Alaska doing God knows what, they would say they'd rather trade the parents they have with mine. Are you stupid? Why would you trade away parents who obviously care about you? Even when they put you down, AT LEAST YOU HAVE THAT. At least you have parents who can make you stronger. I don't and I have to push myself.

But hell, I would gladly trade my situation with yours any day, you know that? I honestly miss those days when my parents were actually together and pretty much hit us with a double whammy. My mom would do the emotional hurt by putting us down and my dad would yell and beat us up. Wasn't entirely the best situation but at least it kept our asses in line. But now what do I have? Nothing but this empty and lonely freedom. It's fun but at the end of the day, it's only a reminder of the gap between my parents and I. It's not like I want it there, but it's because our situation calls for it. And it's a bit saddening.

It's almost like this feeling of neglect. But I know it isn't because the reason why my mom works so hard is to support the family on her own. Sometimes I wish it didn't have to be this way. But of course, life isn't all shits n' giggles. Despite how much I dislike our situation, at least we're better off than other people. And I'm grateful for the fact that our past helped us mature faster too.