Yesterday during art class, we were working on our Chuck Close self portraits. Like fags, Fran and I were taking our time sketching ours out. Y'know, talking n' shits.
Then my art teacher comes over to see our progress. He looked at mine and said something along the lines of me having great drawing skill and natural talent. Quite flattering when it's coming from a phenomenal portrait artist like him.
But ah, that really makes me wonder. Do I really live up to his praise? Whenever I look at my stuff, I'm always doubting whatever skill I may have. Like, "Am I ever really as good as people say I am? Are all of their compliments just empty words?" But I guess this thought only drives me harder to get better in the end.
I've always wanted to be a successful artist. Have my name in credits or something. We all know my self-esteem is about the size of a peanut. Which is why I love comments that are more about my style rather than fangasms since all I do is fanart. I may be like, "baawwww I don't know what you're talking about stfu," to actual compliments. But I really love them. A nice ego boost like that would be very satisfying. It's like all my hard work being paid off. I've always been the giver in any kind of relationship. I love helping others, I love entertaining others. I love the gratification I get from their satisfaction. I want to be the creator of something people love. I think this is my biggest goal in life.
It's what I've decided ever since I was a little kid. Reading childrens books with colorful illustrations and watching fun cartoons. I wanted to create memories for people through my art just like my past.
People say that wanting to be famous is a very selfish desire. Sure, I'll do it for the money and the reputation. Whatever it takes to help me get by and get noticed in this career path. But when it comes right down to it, I'm doing it with the hopes that people will enjoy what I do, which is probably the only thing I can do.
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