The Hollow Men

So we had our first senior assembly of the year. We discussed the requirements for graduation and stuff. It only made me realize how fast this year is going. We started school mid-July and we end the semester in three weeks. Just one more semester and I'll hopefully be graduating. As the day goes on I think, "Man, this is gonna last forever! When will it end?" But at the end of it all, it went by pretty fast. It's rather depressing.

I remember when I was a silly freshmen. Even though I was immature and probably really obnoxious, I miss those days. Even though I was still rather depressed back then, at least I was more social and had lots of shits and giggles. All those good times overshadowed the bad. As the years went on followed by certain events, I think I've become more of a shut in and a bit bitter towards everything. I've started going out less and just spent my time in front of the computer to distract myself from all of the uneasiness going on in my life. You can say I've matured because I'm more reserved, but is it really a good thing? I don't know, I feel as if I've lost something throughout the years. I've lost a bit more strong friendships than I have made. And I feel as if I've lost most of that childish naivety.

I know life isn't all just fun and games. But I guess you can just say I'm scared of growing up. I don't wanna get lost in despair. I know it's immature of me just to wish to stay a kid forever, but how I honestly miss those days. I've matured but it's not like I'm as happy. Am I better off this way? I don't know, I really don't.

I wanted to get my life back on track as soon as possible. I didn't wanna keep on being depressed. I wanted to prove that I didn't need anybody by my side to make me happy and that I can do things on my own. Since the beginning of the new school year, I've cracked down to focusing on my studying. I've changed however I feel that I've went off track and that I've been doing everything too fast and for the wrong reasons. God, what am I doing now? I have no idea where I'll be going either.

Heh, but when it comes down to it, I've got to create a path with my own hands. I can't be too reckless or I'll lose it again. Whatever happens, I just hope I can have something to make me happy in the end.